Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Kids, It Still Sucks.

The only interest I ever had in Rock Hall inductions was that Kiss hilariously was blown off, year after year. Because you know the loathsome Gene Simmons wanted it SO bad. 

Then the Hall instituted fan voting this year to decide these things, so I knew the delusional, middle-aged Kiss Army would rectify this great "injustice" and sure enough that's what happened. Kiss in a landslide. Now we get to see Simmons pontificating from the dias, hamburger grease oozing out of every orifice.  

Oh. And Kiss still sucks. Epically hard. Here they are battling the Bugaloos and Sigmund Seamonster in the classic Kiss vs. the Phantom of the Park. This scene should play in continuous loop behind them as they make their acceptance speeches.

The rest of this list is one of the lamest ever, even by Rock Hall standards. Nirvana, sure, although I was never much of a fan. Hall & Oates are the kings of earworm soul schlock and responsible for some of the vilest songs that polluted the radiowaves in the early 80s. Peter Gabriel is an overrated bore, even by prog rock standards. He's proof that EVERYone gets into the Rock Hall eventually. Isn't it bad enough that genesis is already there? You want prog represented, then Yes and Rick Wakeman in his wizard hat are a far worthier choice! Or really go long and induct Hawkwind! Linda Rondstadt? Great pipes. Sang mostly cover tunes. Fail. Cat Stevens? Are you fucking kidding me? At least there's no disco acts this year. Oops. Except for Kiss! Who can forget their disco classic I Was Made For Lovin' You? What? You have?  

The best we can hope for is that fists fly between Frehley, Criss, Stanley and Simmons. There hasn't been a good onstage blow-up since Elvis Costello flipped off Bruce Moore. Instead they'll probably announce their 35th reunion tour.

I would however, be totally behind inducting Mini Kiss. 

Why do I care? Well, I don't really. Except here in the Cleve, we're inundated with this shit every year, so I allow myself a robust annual bitch.

End of rant. Now I can go back to totally ignoring the Rock Hall.

Oh. And Kiss still sucks.